Lack of Success

Why is it so important that a psychoanalyst can read, interpret the reality for us? Reality is not what it seems. It is not what we think. 

What is the main cause of failure? Laziness? We are not talented enough? We are ugly, not lovable? We don’t want to be happy?  You might have friends, family or colleagues ( maybe yourself ) who try and try very hard to progress at work, become healthier, have more friends, social life, romantic relationship, family…. and they do not succeed or they succeed in something but fail in other aspects of their lives. 

The main cause of failure is… fear of success.   This is a big topic, Freud wrote about it already in 1916:  “Those wrecked by success” , in case you want to read it.  It sounds unbelievable, but for the human being is more difficult to tolerate success than failure. Failure is a punishment that calms down our unconscious guilt. Even more: findings show that unconscious guilt feeling could precede, indeed precipitate a criminal act. Why? Because the criminal is committing the crime in search for punishment. 

Why do we look for punishment? Why do we have the need to be punished? From the unconscious guilt we can only see his effects: the punishment, the failure.  Failure of many types: unhappy marriage, cruel boyfriend, losing a job, getting sick, going bankrupt… We look for punishment to calm down that unconscious guilt from which we can only see its effects.

Examples: I have this so important job interview that I have been looking forward and… I get sick. I finally manage to get the woman I have always wanted and… I am sad, I don’t like her, I can not love her. I win the lottery and loose the ticket. I get the promotion I have worked so much for and… I begin to fight with people, I arrive late… You cheat on your partner and you copy him in the email…

Why I cannot delegate? Why do I always have relationships in which I end up suffering? Why I cannot be successful in my job and progress? Why is so difficult the relationship with my family? Psychoanalysis can interpret reality. It can interpret your unconscious guilt. You no longer need to punish yourself for being successful.